Bancuri cu Calculatoare

Intr-o firma, un angajat suna la departamentul IT:
- Alo!
- Da.
- Vino pana la noi!
- De ce?
- Nu mai merge imprimanta!
- Ce nu face?
- Nu mai are curent!
- Cum?!
- Da, nu mai are curent!!
- Cum ati observat ca nu are curent?
- Imi apare pe calculator.
- Ce?!!!
- Imi apare pe calculator mesajul ^a��Current printer is unavailable^a�� !

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Era odata un tanar care cand era mic vroia sa se faca un "mare" scriitor.
Cand i s-a cerut sa defineasca "mare" a spus:
"Vreau sa scriu chestii pe care sa le citeasca toata lumea, chestii la care lumea sa reactioneze emotional, lucruri care sa-i faca sa strige, sa planga, sa urle, sa se zbata de durere, disperare si manie!"
Acum lucreaza pentru Microsoft si scrie mesaje de eroare...

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Doi bloggeri chatuiau :
1 : Mama ... ce frumos ninge
2 : Unde ?! Dami link sa vad

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Doi programatori se intalnesc dupa multa vreme. Primul : Ce mai faci, ma ? Care mai e viata ta ? Al doliea : mmm ... default.

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10. NT is bigger, so it must be better!
9. None of that silly object-oriented stuff.
8. For only $295, you too can be an NT beta tester!
7. Good excuse to buy that bigger hard drive you've been wanting.
6. Now you can run all those 32-bit NT apps!
5. Never worry about wearing out that right mouse button.
4. No confusing shadows to get in the way.
3. Cheating not allowed in NT Solitaire.
2. Two words: File Manager.
And most importantly . . .
1. Bill Gates could really use the money.

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Top 10 things people think the "95" in Windows95 stands for
10. The number of floppies it will ship on.
9. The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.
8. The number of megabytes of hard disk space required.
7. The number of pages in the "EASY INSTALL" version of the manual.
6. The percentage of existing programs that won't run in the new OS.
5. The number of minutes to install.
4. The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run.
3. The number of people who will actually PAY for the upgrade.
2. MHz required for the OS to run.
1. The year it was DUE to ship.

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11 REASONS WHY E-MAIL IS LIKE A PENIS:
1) Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be
devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have
it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are
wrong. Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think
it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still,
many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
2) It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it
hard to get any real work done.
3) In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit
information considered vital to the survival of the species.
Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for,
but most folks today use it for fun most of the time. v
4) Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people
would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
5) It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take
this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes
it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's
too late.
6) If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can
spread viruses.
7) It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use
it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think
coherently.
8) We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual
size and influence warrant.
9) If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big
trouble.
10) It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions
are, it will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth
did I do that?"
11) It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices,
it will just do the same dumb things it did before.

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Q: Can I draw graphics on my old XT?
A: Sure. Just take care not to get paint in the disk drive.

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Q: How can I save disk space when working with bitmap graphics?
A: Delete them!

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Q: How do I simulate something on the screen?
A: Turn the computer off and you'll have a perfect simulation of
a black display

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Q: Can I use the mouse in my programs?
A: Sure. But try using a cat, for more fun.


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Q: Can I draw a line on the screen?
A: Yeah. Just try with crayons, 'cause you may want to erase it later

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Q: How do I display Wolfenstein-like graphics?
A: Easy. Run Wolfenstein.


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Q: How do I display 3DS animations ?
A: Easy, with 3DS or AAPLAY.

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Q: How do I do BGI graphics ?
A: RTFH (Read The Fuckin' Help).If you can't even do that,just get lost.

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WinError #01: Unable to figure out own code. System crashed.
WinError #16: Window locked. Try Ctrl-Alt-Del. Then RESET.
Winers never quit and never use Windows.
Ya know what I like about Windows? Not one damn thing.
Windows, Icons, Mouse, Pointer: WIMP

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Windows: A View to be Killed.
Windows: Nothing but an expensive, poorly written game of Solitaire!
Windows: The 80486 to PC conversion kit.
Windows: The Gates of Hell.
Windows: Veni, vidi, shelfi.
Windows? Honey, don't play that!

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Windows/NT: From the people who brought your EDLIN!
Windows/NT: Windows/Neat in Theory?
Windows/NT: Windows/Netherworld Trash?
Windows/NT: Windows/Neurotic Theivery?
Windows/NT: Windows/Never Tested?
Windows/NT: Windows/Newest Throw-away?
Windows/NT: Nearly There

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Windows = Headache + Trouble + Crashes - Money - Speed!
Windows Benchmark: UAEs per second!
Windows found: DEL *.* and RD (Y/y/y)?
Windows gives me the panes.
Windows is a pane in the ASCII!
Windows isn't a virus. A virus does something.
Windows, the world's first commercially succesful virus!


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Air conditioned environment -- Do not open Windows.
An elephant is the Windows version of an armadillo.
Bugs come in thru Windows.
Double your hard drive space instantly! Delete Windows!
Friends don't let friends use Windows.
If speed scares you - try Microsoft Windows.
If Windows sucked it would at least be good for *something*.
New from McAfee: WinScan. Deletes all Windows applications.
No son, we use Windows to slow down games on 486's
The best way to accelerate Windows is at 9.8 m/s
The best way to accelerate Windows is into a wall.
The best way to accelerate Windows is through one.
Virus "Windows" found: (D)elete, (R)epair, (N)ext?
We don't do Windows and we don't take American Express.
Who needs rocks? Windows breaks itself.

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